bluiis: (Snape--by icy_azalea)
(Disclaimer: This was not written by me.)

No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total--378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000 of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move onto the next house. Assuming that these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once per 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second--a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

If ever one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 oz. glass of 2% milk, the total calories would be approximately 225 (100 for the cookie and 125 for the cookie, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1,000,000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Divide our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20,655,000,000/3500), and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload (not even counting the weight of the sleigh) to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance--this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousanths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
bluiis: (Default)

   I absolutely love this CD, though this music is certainly not for everyone.  Dr. Crum introduced it to his theory students of which Jon was one.  He introduced Rutter to me.  And I've been hooked ever since.  This, though, is my favorite CD of his music.  He's an English composer, and his music is ethreal.  The first time I listened to him was in the music library at school (interpret: college); the music actually brought me to tears.

   Speaking of his music reminds me of Christmas.  Jon wanted a Christmas list from me.  I didn't realize how little I need till I tried to write it.  But the first thing I listed is a membership to BMG.  We used to have one, and I wish we did again.  They have such a wide selection of music!  And if you can't find it in their catalog, I'm sure you could online.  So, yes, this is a plug for BMG.

   I really think we should join Glen Community Baptist.  Pastor Bill's messages have really gotten to me lately.  Like tonight, what should have been common sense really hit me hard.  He had a lot to say, but the two points that stand out the most were found in Job and Hebrews.  Why do we ever question the choices of God?  Did we form the earth?  Can we feed all the animals of the earth?  Are we really in control of anything?  What would we be without God?

   The second point he made was not to take our salvation for granted.  Obviously, we don't have to work for it, nor will it ever be taken from us.  We can't lose it.  But how many times do we reflect on how fortunate we are?  Did God have to come to this earth and die for us?  No.  Why did He?  Because He loved us.  Why did He choose to love us?  I don't know.  Why did He create us?  Yes, I know it was to glorify Him.  But does He need us?  No.  If I really think about why God created us, it blows my mind.  I can think of no good reason, especially since He's God.  He knew what a screwed-up people we would be.  I mean, the son of the first people created killed his brother!  How could he when he knew how real God was?

   Anyway, don't get me started.  I can only be thankful to God for saving me.  I can't understand Him.


February 2016

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