The Disjointed Thoughts of a Writer

   I just read all of Sarah's entries, and I feel mowed down.  Not only do I feel as though I don't make LJ worth having me, also I feel bad cuz I know Sarah reads this and she's the only one.  It's got to be boring for her.  But I don't know how to make more friends on LJ.

   I agree that if you have a boring life, it's your fault.  When I was a kid, I heard a very good saying once:  "If you're bored, it's because you're boring."  Kinda painful, but true.  But I'm bored.

   We went to the Freyburg Fair today, and it was so much fun!  I've never seen steers or horses that big!  They're rears stood higher than my head, and I'm not short!  Jill had a ball (I can just hear her saying "ba! ba!  She always does whenever I use that expression.), and we got Christmas presents for all our parents.  It was nice because Jon usually doesn't like to stay long, but we were there for about three or four hours.  Then we went to go say hi to Ginny, then we came home and Jon made an apple pie.  See, I'm so backward.  I don't like to cook or bake, and Jon does.  And my food (scuse my language) sucks.  Jon's is good.  Hello, I'm the one who put cinnamon in the spaghetti sauce (long story)!

   Anyway, we had fun today, but we really regret letting Jill get so spoiled.  She whines when she wants something, and screams when we tell her no (not always, thank goodness), and though she's still a mostly good little girl, she's spoiled.  I can't wait till we finally settle down.  She needs routine.  I've only just started putting her to bed at 8 again; we had moved it up to 9 just for convenience's sake.  At least she didn't fight it tonight; we'd even gotten lax about that!  But when she screams, the battle usually ends within a week.  And we always win. 

   I'm kind of scared about moving; not the physical act, but because life is going to go on.  And I've come to realize that I really don't want to work.  Like, I knew that before, but especially so since working for Faith and having the pookster with me all day.  I don't like having to ignore her and always scolding her because I can't spend time with her.  I want to stay with my baby.  Also, I want to breastfeed my next kid, and though I should be able to (state laws and such being the way they are), it won't be easy.  And I want to use cloth diapers, but I won't be able to if another person (or a daycare) keeps the kids.  Also, I lose patience easily, and when I'm not around Jill all day, I haven't had a chance to bond, and get frustrated too easy.

   I want to write!  I don't want to work, but I'll probably need to.  I'd love to work at home, but what could I do?

   Oh, I didn't mean to come on here to complain.  Really, I do have a good life.  I'm blessed with a wonderful husband, and pretty good little girl who I get to watch blossom into a little person, and a relatively carefree life.  So why do I complain?

   I wish I had some married friends.  There are so many wonderful things about being married that I can't discuss on here.  Actually, I guess it's not married friends I crave, but friends period.  So I'll just say that I love being married.  The closeness, the shared bed, the love, the child, the good times and bad (though those I could do without), the fact that though I married my best friend, he'll never grow old.  I love Jon so much, I don't know what I'd do without him.

   Anyway, I've been on this laptop so long, I've got that kink in my shoulder I always get whenever I stay at the computer too long (or a cash register).

   Good night, journal.