The Disjointed Thoughts of a Writer

   I know God heard them.  What happened was this:  Marios was driving (thank God they had their seat belts on--this is the only state that doesn't require it) and they hit a patch of black ice.  He slid off the road and into a telephone pole, knocking power out in Center Conway all the way to the state line.  He only hit his head on the steering wheel, but she hit hers on the dashboard, breaking her nose.  The seat belt pulled into her and pushed a rib into her liver.  She lost a third of it.  They had to give her 6 units of blood, but she's going to make it.  By last night, though critical, she was stable.  As long as nothing happened last night, they are going to stich her up today.  She'll be home in a week.  They were very fortunate.

   In other news, Jill didn't have to have a spanking with her nap today.  Every day (for naps and nighttime), she fights it.  She'll stand in her crib and scream, and sometimes it takes three or four spankings to get her to realize she's not going to win this time.  But today she only whimpered before succumbing to sleep.  Children amaze me; I know she was tired.  I could tell in the way she was acting.  But sometimes kids fight sleep so hard!  Me?  Just point me in the direction of the bed and I'll go willingly.  Kids really have no clue how good they have it.  <shakes head>

   About the church in lower NH:  we're probably not going.  It's not a paid position.  Now don't get me wrong; we're still moving.  Jon says we'll probably be here a month more at the longest, but he's going to try to get a job in a big city, even maybe down there.  There's a trucking company, McClaine, that is always hiring.  He wouldn't drive the trucks; he'd stock them.  Steve used to work there, and Jen does currently.  We'll have to wait and see what the Lord wants.  (But sometimes it's so hard to wait!)

   I'm so glad I'm in a better mood.  This morning, I was in the foulest mood.  Usually, if I go to bed, that takes care of my mood.  Not today.  I went to bed yucky and woke up the same.  God totally gave me a better mood, for which I thank Him. 

   Once again, I had more to say, but it's all slipped my mind.  Ta, ta!

   I just read all of Sarah's entries, and I feel mowed down.  Not only do I feel as though I don't make LJ worth having me, also I feel bad cuz I know Sarah reads this and she's the only one.  It's got to be boring for her.  But I don't know how to make more friends on LJ.

   I agree that if you have a boring life, it's your fault.  When I was a kid, I heard a very good saying once:  "If you're bored, it's because you're boring."  Kinda painful, but true.  But I'm bored.

   We went to the Freyburg Fair today, and it was so much fun!  I've never seen steers or horses that big!  They're rears stood higher than my head, and I'm not short!  Jill had a ball (I can just hear her saying "ba! ba!  She always does whenever I use that expression.), and we got Christmas presents for all our parents.  It was nice because Jon usually doesn't like to stay long, but we were there for about three or four hours.  Then we went to go say hi to Ginny, then we came home and Jon made an apple pie.  See, I'm so backward.  I don't like to cook or bake, and Jon does.  And my food (scuse my language) sucks.  Jon's is good.  Hello, I'm the one who put cinnamon in the spaghetti sauce (long story)!

   Anyway, we had fun today, but we really regret letting Jill get so spoiled.  She whines when she wants something, and screams when we tell her no (not always, thank goodness), and though she's still a mostly good little girl, she's spoiled.  I can't wait till we finally settle down.  She needs routine.  I've only just started putting her to bed at 8 again; we had moved it up to 9 just for convenience's sake.  At least she didn't fight it tonight; we'd even gotten lax about that!  But when she screams, the battle usually ends within a week.  And we always win. 

   I'm kind of scared about moving; not the physical act, but because life is going to go on.  And I've come to realize that I really don't want to work.  Like, I knew that before, but especially so since working for Faith and having the pookster with me all day.  I don't like having to ignore her and always scolding her because I can't spend time with her.  I want to stay with my baby.  Also, I want to breastfeed my next kid, and though I should be able to (state laws and such being the way they are), it won't be easy.  And I want to use cloth diapers, but I won't be able to if another person (or a daycare) keeps the kids.  Also, I lose patience easily, and when I'm not around Jill all day, I haven't had a chance to bond, and get frustrated too easy.

   I want to write!  I don't want to work, but I'll probably need to.  I'd love to work at home, but what could I do?

   Oh, I didn't mean to come on here to complain.  Really, I do have a good life.  I'm blessed with a wonderful husband, and pretty good little girl who I get to watch blossom into a little person, and a relatively carefree life.  So why do I complain?

   I wish I had some married friends.  There are so many wonderful things about being married that I can't discuss on here.  Actually, I guess it's not married friends I crave, but friends period.  So I'll just say that I love being married.  The closeness, the shared bed, the love, the child, the good times and bad (though those I could do without), the fact that though I married my best friend, he'll never grow old.  I love Jon so much, I don't know what I'd do without him.

   Anyway, I've been on this laptop so long, I've got that kink in my shoulder I always get whenever I stay at the computer too long (or a cash register).

   Good night, journal.

   Awww, Sarah,  you shouldn't have!  Thank you for the pics, especially because I have no idea how you did it.  I'm not particularly computer savvy.

   As I said, I'm leaving, but only this house.  We're moving to a smaller house for a year (at the most two) and selling this one in order to climb out of debt.  I'd do almost anything to get out of debt; and it's so easy to get into.  We'd also be able to pay off some on our cars (maybe even pay Jon's off completely!).  There are a couple that we're thinking about, all owned by the church. There's one that I'd prefer over the other, but I'll do whatever it takes.

   I have to confess I'm far from the best teacher.  Josh (one of the guys I work w/ and the new "head" of the camp) took me aside yesterday and today and had to talk to me.  Today, he had to talk to me about being short with the kids and seeming to be stressed.  It's not necessarily that I'm stressed, just tired.  Also, I've really gotten slack on reading my Bible every day and praying.  So I just don't have what it takes to watch these kids.  And I know it won't get better until I give my burdens to God.  The other reason I'm stressed is because I never get to see my pooker (Jill--long story).  But I shouldn't be taking it out on my kids.

   I should really tell my canoeing story.  We went on Saturday, but only barely.  None of our teens except one who's only been there showed up.  He came with mother.  So we rounded up to kids (Daija, 8, and Caleb, 10), plus me and Jon.  We had to have six people at least.  Anyway, we went and had a blast.  Caleb and Micheal tipped five times (the fifth time was mine and Daija's fault--we tipped them), and me and Miss Suzy (Micheal's mom) tipped once.  Anyway, we'd canoe for a while, then slide onto a sand bank and relax, let the kids play in the water, drink a little.  At one of these stops, I was going to throw Daija in and gave my glasses to Caleb.  She changed her mind, so Caleb went to give back my glasses and our hands didn't connect.  The glasses dissapered.  That night, we had Ethan and Sadie (whom I love), and we went to P'cola to get new ones.  We then had to go to Mobile because my prescription is so strong that they couldn't make it there.  So we went to Mobile.  But I like these a lot better than my others; the frames are a whole lot cooler.  Not that I should have lost my others to get cooler frames, but hey, that's my blessing.